| Chapter 8
Managing Our Feelings
Feelings are a vital part of the mind, helping
to arouse the body to action. A wise man will know how and when to express
them.
To every thing there is a season a time
to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance a time
to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing a time to love, and a
time to hate (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4, 5, 8; KJV).
A wise man will also know how and when to restrain
them. Self-control is a fundamental part of living wisely; and, Solomon
said, without it a man is weak and defenseless.
A man without self-control is like a
city broken into and left without walls (Proverbs 25:28; RSV).
Happiness/unhappiness involves feelings of joy
and pleasure, sorrow and pain, which are related to the state of the soul.
Hope and fear refer to anticipated happiness/unhappiness. Pride and humility,
anger, jealousy and envy all involve forms of love and hate.
The concept of love (like wisdom) has a very
deep meaning. Indeed it appears that love is even greater than wisdom,
for the Lord himself is said to personify love (See 1 John 4:8, 16). Thus,
it would require an entire book to even attempt to do justice to this great
concept. Love involves a force that works with wisdom to manifest productive
behavior. Solomon urged that we cultivate our loves and hates carefully
and wisely. Loving and hating by instinct, reflex, and "chemistry" are
the ways of fools. Loving and hating with hypocrisy are the ways of the
wicked. As with every kind of force, love should be restrained, and directed
properly; although Solomon said that prolonged restraint is undesirable:
Open rebuke is better than secret love
(Proverbs 27:5; KJV).
Love of Self
Love of self is a desirable quality. We have
worth—great worth. The value of one human soul exceeds that of all the
wealth of the world. Remember, Jesus said,
For what is a man profited, if he shall
gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in
exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:26; KJV).
However, excessive self-love is a vice. We call
it pride and arrogance. It includes an emotional component called a
haughty spirit which generates aggressiveness, rashness, and wantonness
that leads to strife and trouble. It also includes an intellectual component-excessive
self-esteem—which is a value judgment about self-worth that reflects
a false perception of a man’s strengths and weaknesses. Being a false perception,
it inevitably leads to conflicts with reality. Arrogance typically includes
belittling other people, causing a man to behave unjustly by overstepping
proper bounds and restrictions. When people discover it they naturally
resent it, and oppose its unfairness. Solomon said this about pride:
God himself meets the arrogant with
arrogance (Proverbs 3:34; NEB).
When pride comes, then comes disgrace
(Proverbs
11:2; RSV).
Better a man of low rank, who works for
himself, than he who assumes honor, yet has nothing to eat (Proverbs
12:9; AAT).
The Lord will destroy the house of the
proud (Proverbs 15:25; KJV).
Everyone proud of heart is an abomination
to the Lord; be assured he will not go unpunished (Proverbs 16:5; MLB).
Pride goeth before destruction, and an
haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18; KJV).
he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction
(Proverbs 17:19; KJV).
Before destruction the heart of man is
haughty (Proverbs 18:12; KJV).
Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit?
there is more hope of a fool than of him (Proverbs 26:12; KJV).
He that is of a proud heart stirreth up
strife (Proverbs 28:25; KJV).
A man's pride shall bring him low (Proverbs
29:23; KJV).
And Augur said,
If you have foolishly been proud or
presumptuous, put your hand on your mouth (Proverbs 30:32; NAB).
The scoffer appears to be a special kind of
proud man. He is another type of fool: one who not only rejects knowledge,
but also actively and openly opposes it.
How long will scoffers delight in their
scoffing (Proverbs 1:22; RSV).
A scoffer seeks wisdom in vain (Proverbs
14:6; RSV).
"Scoffer" is the name of the proud, haughty
man who acts with arrogant pride (Proverbs 21:24; RSV).
Scoffers are especially troublesome and dangerous.
Cast out the scorner, and contention
shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease (Proverbs 22:10;
KJV).
the scorner is an abomination to men
(Proverbs 24:9; KJV).
Scoffers set a city in a flame (Proverbs
29:8; ASV).
However, as in dealing with ordinary fools,
unless a man is in a position of authority, it is not advisable to contend
with scoffers.
He who corrects a scoffer gets himself
abuse (RSV). Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee (KJV)
(Proverbs 9:7, 8).
a scoffer does not listen to rebuke
(Proverbs 13:1; RSV).
A scoffer does not like to be reproved;
he will not go to the wise (Proverbs 15:12; RSV).
Pride is probably the most deadly vice of the
mind. It appears to be a root cause of rebellion against the Lord.
A high look, and a proud heart, even
the lamp of the wicked is sin (Proverbs 21:4; RV).
Pride (the "lamp of the wicked") leads a man
away from the paths of righteousness. Satan—that powerful invisible dragon
who sent an army, a bolt of lightning, and a violent wind (probably a tornado)
against all that Job possessed—was described by the Lord as,
king over all the children of pride
(Job 41:34; RSV).
When Paul wrote Timothy, warning him against
exalting a man prematurely, he said:
pride might turn his head and then he
might be condemned as the devil was condemned (1 Timothy 3:6; JB).
Humility involves the right kind of self-love;
and it is a vital quality of the mind if a man is to be wise and righteous.
Humility includes an accurate self-perception, a realistic and honest appraisal
of our strengths and weaknesses, and an appreciation for our relative insignificance
in this vast universe. But humility goes beyond simple self-perception.
It also includes a subdued, submissive, and gentle spirit reflecting self-control
of feelings (not cowardice)—a quality of maturity that Jesus praised, saying
that kind of spirit will inherit both heaven and earth.
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for
their's is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3; KJV).
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit
the earth (Matthew 5:5; KJV).
An honest self-concept, a gentle spirit, and
an attitude of submission are all qualities of humility that make for a
willingness to elevate others over ourselves for a higher good. A humble
spirit reflects a wise mind; and, in gratitude, others will reward and
honor the humble man as he becomes known. Solomon said this about humility:
to the humble he [the Lord] shows favor
(Proverbs 3:34; RSV).
with the humble is wisdom (Proverbs
11:2; RSV).
before honour is humility (Proverbs
15:33; KJV).
Better it is to be of an humble spirit
with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud (Proverbs 16:19;
KJV).
before honour is humility (Proverbs
18:12; KJV).
The reward of humility and the fear of
the Lord is riches, and honour, and life (Proverbs 22:4; RV).
To eat honey in abundance is not good,
nor is searching out their own honour an honourable thing (Proverbs
25:27; RHM).
Let another man praise thee, and not thine
own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips (Proverbs 27:2; KJV).
he that is of a lowly spirit shall obtain
honor (Proverbs 29:23; ASV).
the patient in spirit is better than the
proud in spirit (Ecclesiastes 7:8; KJV).
Humility does not involve timidity or cowardice.
Jesus was certainly not timid, and Paul was no coward. For example, Paul
once wrote,
I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the
meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am humble when face to face with
you, but bold to you when I am away!—I beg of you that when I am present
I may not have to show boldness with such confidence as I count on showing
against some who suspect us of acting in worldly fashion (2 Corinthians
10:1, 2; RSV).
There is danger in receiving more than we are
prepared to receive. Remember, Paul said that knowledge puffs up; and both
Solomon and Agur said that wealth brings pride. Agur added what may be
called "heady success." Here are Solomon’s words:
The rich man is wise in his own eyes,
but a poor man who is intelligent sees through him
(Proverbs 28:11; NAB).
Two things have I asked of thee; deny
me them not before I die: remove far from me falsehood and lies; give me
neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me:
lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is Jehovah? or lest I be poor,
and steal, and use profanely the name of my God (Proverbs 30:7-9; ASV).
Under three things the earth trembles;
under four it cannot bear up: a slave when he becomes king, and a fool
when he is filled with food; an unloved woman when she gets a husband,
and a maid when she succeeds her mistress (Proverbs 30:21-23; RSV).
And here is what Agur said:
The man says to Ithiel, to Ithiel and
Ucal (RSV): For I am more like a beast than any man, I have not
power of reasoning like a man: I have not got wisdom by teaching, so that
I might have knowledge of the Holy One (BAS). Tell me, Who has ascended
up into heaven and come down? Who has gathered the wind in his fists? Who
has bound the waters in a handkerchief! Who has established all the borders
of the earth? What is his name, and what is his son's name, if you can
tell? (LAM) (Proverbs 30:14).
There are three things beyond my comprehension,
four indeed, that I do not understand: the way of an eagle through the
skies, the way of a snake over the rock, the way of a ship in mid-ocean,
the way of a man with a girl (Proverbs 30:18, 19; JB).
Agur's meaning is unclear to me, but I suggest
the following: He is greatly humbled by his terrible ignorance; for he
cannot know the Lord and his Son who created all things, nor can he understand
all of the complexity of even the simplest ordinary things. Perhaps the
lesson, then, is that the facts of reality should be enough to keep each
of us humble. No matter how much we may learn, we still know so little.
Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou
knowest not what a day may bring forth (Proverbs 27:1; KJV).
Paul wrote in like manner to discourage us from
insisting on understanding the deepest mysteries.
Do not say in your heart, "Who will
ascend into heaven?" (that is, to bring Christ down) or "Who will descend
into the abyss?" (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead) (Romans
10:6, 7; RSV).
Humility appears to be a balance between two
extremes: pride, which involves excessive self-love, and a broken spirit,
which involves a loss of self-love. A broken spirit can be a tragic disease
of the soul.
A man's spirit will endure sickness;
but a broken spirit who can bear? (Proverbs 18:14; RSV).
Not only can a broken spirit paralyze the mind,
but it can also afflict the body.
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine:
but a broken spirit drieth the bones (Proverbs 17:22; KJV).
There appears to be only one circumstance when
a broken spirit is desirable, and that is during penance following guilt,
when self-mortification is necessary. After David's great sin, he asked
the Lord's forgiveness. That prayer was recorded in one of the Psalms where
he said,
The sacrifice acceptable to God is a
broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise
(Psalms 51:17; RSV).
Normally, however, a broken spirit is not a
healthy reaction. But like many aspects of this troubled life, it is an
ever-present threat; and all of the things that cause sorrow predispose
us to it.
A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance:
but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken (Proverbs 15:13; KJV).
And the loss of hope is a major contributor
to a broken spirit.
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:
but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life (Proverbs 13:12; KJV).
Remember the tragedy Solomon spoke about that
broke a man's spirit?
There is a grievous evil which I have
seen under the sun: riches were kept by their owner to his hurt, and those
riches were lost in a bad venture; and he is a father of a son, but he
has nothing in his hand. As he came from his mother's womb he shall go
again, naked as he came, and shall take nothing for his toil, which he
may carry away in his hand. This also is a grievous evil: just as he came,
so shall he go; and what gain has he that he toiled for the wind, and spent
all his days in darkness and grief, in much vexation and sickness and resentment?
(Ecclesiastes
5:13-17; RSV).
Remember, too, that excessive punishment can
break the spirit. It takes not only love and wisdom, but also courage to
apply just punishment, because the application of punishment hurts its
administrator as well as its recipient. When Paul wrote his first letter
to the Corinthian church, it contained many criticisms against them. In
his second letter, he revealed the sorrow he felt as he wrote that first
letter:
For if I cause you pain, who is there
to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? And I wrote as I did, so
that when I come I might not be pained by those who should have made me
rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of
you all. For I wrote you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and
with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant
love that I have for you (2 Corinthians 2:2-4; RSV).
Paul knew that excessive or unjust punishment
can break the spirit, because to another church he said:
Fathers, do not provoke your children,
lest they become discouraged (Colossians 3:21; RSV).
Therefore, when Paul wrote the Corinthian church
later, he gave these instructions regarding a man that he had rebuked:
But if any one has caused pain, he has
caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to
you all. For such a one this punishment by the majority is enough; so you
should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed
by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him (2
Corinthians 2:5-8; RSV).
There is another threat. Perfectionism results
in never-ending feelings of dissatisfaction, which can destroy self-esteem.
Perhaps this is included in the meaning of these words:
Be not righteous over much, and do not
make yourself overwise; why should you destroy yourself! (Ecclesiastes
7:16; RSV).
But Solomon also warned against too much tolerance.
Neither be thou over-faulty amongst
the multitude; neither play the fool; wherefore shouldest thou die before
thy time? (Ecclesiastes 7:17; SPRL).
In sum: Pride involves an excessive and unjust
love of self. A broken spirit involves an excessive loss of self-love.
Humility appears to be a healthy balance of mind involving a realistic
and just evaluation of oneself. Both Moses and Jesus said:
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself
(Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 22:39; KJV).
Anger
Anger appears to be a type of hatred. It
is an emotion of displeasure, and is a natural reaction to being offended.
There is no sin in becoming angry; although uncontrolled anger, such as
rage, is wrong. The Bible mentions many times the wrath of God. For example,
the prophet Zephaniah said,
"Therefore wait for me," says the Lord,
"for the day when I arise as a witness. For my decision is to gather nations,
to assemble kingdoms, to pour out upon them in indignation, all the heat
of my anger; for in the fire of my jealous wrath all the earth shall be
consumed" (Zephaniah 3:8; RSV).
But whether justified or not, our anger rarely
motivates constructive or creative enterprises. It typically fuels punishment
and destructiveness. James said:
Know this, my beloved brethren. Let
every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger
of man does not work the righteousness of God (James 1:19, 20; RSV).
Anger can be painfully violent. Wise men will
seek ways to turn it away.
The wrath of a king is as messengers
of death: but a wise man will pacify it (Proverbs 16:14; KJV).
Wrath is cruel, and anger is overwhelming
(Proverbs
27:4; ASV).
wise men turn away wrath (Proverbs
29:8; KJV).
Solomon said the best defense against wrath,
once aroused, is to calm it down, perhaps with a gentle word, or perhaps
by providing compensation privately for the offense that provoked it.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but
grievous words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1; KJV).
A gift in secret pacifieth anger: and
a reward in the bosom strong wrath (Proverbs 21:14; KJV).
Many times daily we experience irritations and
frustrations. The wise keep control of their emotions, but there are those
who indulge themselves in ventilating their wrath. They are fools, easily
provoked, who carry anger to excess. It becomes an addiction. They create
much trouble for themselves and for others. Those who try to correct them
waste their time. Solomon also warned others against fraternizing with
them lest they, too, succumb to the vice. Here are his words:
A fool shows instantly that he is angry
(Proverbs
12:16; MOFFAIT).
He who is quick tempered acts foolishly
(Proverbs
14:17; MLB).
he who has a hasty temper exalts folly
(Proverbs 14:29; RSV).
A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment:
for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again (Proverbs 19:19;
KJV).
Make no friendship with a man that is
given to anger; and with a wrathful man thou shalt not go: lest thou learn
his ways, and get a snare to thy soul (Proverbs 22:24, 25; ASV).
anger resteth in the bosom of fools
(Ecclesiastes 7:9; KJV).
These men are always fomenting trouble and strife.
A hot tempered man stirs up strife (Proverbs
15:18; RSV).
A man prone to anger provokes a quarrel
and a hot-head is always doing wrong (Proverbs 29:22; NEB).
The right use of anger takes great self-control.
Understanding helps a man be slow in developing it. For example, infants
and young children quickly become angry at things because they do not understand
the basic laws of nature; whereas adults rarely become angry at things.
Wise men also understand the basic nature of people, and it is a mark of
distinction for them to overlook an offense. Solomon advised:
He that is slow to wrath is of great
understanding (Proverbs 14:29; KJV).
He that is slow to anger is better than
the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city
(Proverbs 16:32; KJV).
The discretion of a man maketh him slow
to anger; and it is his glory to pass over transgression (Proverbs
19:11; RV).
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry
(Ecclesiastes
7:9; KJV).
And Paul warned against harboring anger.
Be angry but do not sin; do not let
the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26; RSV).
In sum: Anger is a natural defense reaction
which may or may not be justified. Like an explosive device, it should
be carefully controlled.
Jealousy and Envy
Jealousy and envy appear to be compound emotions
involving both anger and love. Jealousy is a desirable emotion when used
to guard lawful relationships. In the Bible, the Lord is often said to
be jealous of his people. Husbands are justly jealous of their wives and
children when someone or something threatens the relationship. Jealousy
can be the most fierce emotion; for Solomon said,
Wrath is cruel, and anger is overwhelming;
but who is able to stand before jealousy (Proverbs 27:4; ASV).
jealousy is cruel as the grave (Song
of Solomon 8:6; RSV).
When Solomon warned about adultery, he said,
He who commits adultery has no sense;
he who does it destroys himself. Wounds and dishonor will he get, and his
disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes a man furious, and
he will not spare when he takes revenge. He will accept no compensation
nor be appeased though you multiply gifts (Proverbs 6:32-35; RSV).
Envy is undesirable since it involves unjustified
anger and love. Solomon especially warned against envying the wicked who
may appear successful and happy.
Envy thou not the oppressor, and choose
none of his ways (Proverbs 3:31; KJV).
Let not thine heart envy sinners: but
be thou in the fear of the Lord all the day long (Proverbs 23:17; KJV).
Be not thou envious against evil men,
neither desire to be with them (Proverbs 24:1; KJV).
Fret not thyself because of evil men,
neither be thou envious at the wicked (Proverbs 24:19; KJV).
Envy is an unhealthy state of mind that can
afflict the body like a deadly disease. A wise man will keep it out of
his heart.
The life of the body is a tranquil heart,
but envy is a cancer in the bones (Proverbs 14:30; JB).
In sum: Jealousy should arouse a man when
he needs to defend lawful relationships. Envy is never justified.
Copyright 1997 by
Walter L. Porter may be reproducted for non-commercial purposes at no cost
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